Thursday, November 10, 2005
im typing in the dark now,cuz my mum set a time for us to slp.me n my sis can only stay up till 11,dats totally mad.if either one of us get caught we'll get grounded
sianhalf..
i need to babysit from 17 nov onwards,and i have to fetch her to tao nan on certain days.its so bleah-
had a good cry just now,just broke down when i was doing one maths sum i must admit
i cry alot-and i whine n complain alot.mr tan said that too,he says i must always go through a period of whining before i do something and i waste alot of time by just whining.he told me to kick off this habit.but i just cant seem to do it.i just seem to worry too much.it's always 'what happens if?'.my family,results n stuff.i realise im always busy trying to keep everyone happy.like my mom n sis.n in the end i end up being unhappy myself.i honestly,i wish i dont give a damn
i keep alot to myself,thats because there isnt a single fucking person i can truly talk to.i dont even talk to denise bout my prob,do you tink she cares?.i mean ppl have their own problems n life to take care of.why shld they bother?who cares?so i always end up complaining to myself n den i scream n shout until i cry.im actually very tired of all these.im tired of worrying,tired of crying.i hate myself for nt being to solve the problem,i instead,i run away from it.expecting some sort of miracle to happen.
so a miracle dosent happen.the problem keeps occuring.and in the end i just end up crying all over again.and i realised the longer it is,i become very bad-tempered.i noe im really very very selfish.and unreasonable at times.i really dont want to be like that.
so in then end i'll just end up crying,have a good slp.and when i wake up.i'll forget everything and everything would be fine.or at least it'll seem fine.ok i'll stop my whining and do my maths now.
12:24 AM
